Banks Charging "Service" Fees - FOR WHAT?!? A Real-Time Customer Service Nightmare

This post started out of frustration when I was on hold with Chase because of a monthly charge that appeared on my statement. It's from an outfit I used to get a credit card when I first moved to California. I cancelled the account years ago, had tried to find them previously, but could only find evidence of a class action lawsuit against them, gave Chase this info previously in person. Then I found the actual outfit online, called them, told them to stop dinging my account for $5 a month but don't trust them to comply, so I called Chase, told them I wanted to make sure no payments of $5 were against my account in the future. They told me there would be a $34 fee for that! For what?!?  We bailed them out and they want to charge me a $34 fee to stop a fraudulent charge that I've reported to them previously? Does somebody need to carve something with a chisel? I demanded to talk to the "telephone banker's" supervisor, and I got cut off, went to a recorded customer satisfaction survey! These bastards wonder why people are in the streets! I'm CLOSING this account, and letting them know why.

Update - I just called back, went to the same "telephone bankers" as before. Of course they're in INDIA - I just called back, got what sounded like the same call center, who asked me for the same information I gave the first time, so I just said no, I want to talk to someone in AMERICA, now I'm on hold again. If I get cut off, I'm going to go ballistic.

Update - The one in India transferred me to one in the Philippines! Who has now put me on hold again to transfer me to a senior customer service representative in America - how did we ever let things get this this eff'ed up? WHY am I talking to people thousands of miles away? Because this idiot bank can pay them 8 cents a day. How many of them do these $34 "service" fees buy?

Update - got the American - who is trying to tell me that there is a $34 fee for that "service." What "service," I said - pushing a button? Stopping a fraudulent charge that I had alerted them to previously? Told him that I was blogging every last bit of this as it happened. The American's name is Ben Saucier.

Update - his supervisor is in a meeting. Said he is sorry that I'm upset about the "economy!"

Update - went ballistic. Service my ass. Closing account.

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• Five Horrible Customer Service Experiences (socyberty.com)
• Americans seethe as banks hit them with new fees (business.financialpost.com)
• The new normal: Higher bank fees are here to stay (seattlepi.com)